|Creating PossibilitiesThis week’s Parsha continues discussing the harmful effects of lashon hara, senseless negative speech. Many people don’t take speech seriously, speaking about others without regard for their feelings or the potential damage it can cause. King Solomon wrote, Life and death are in the hands of the tongue. One explanation is that negative talk has the ability to destroy a person’s life and might even lead to one’s death. In this sense it is like an arrow because it can kill people even at great distances. The Midrash relates that a peddler found himself in Tzipori, a village in the Golan Heights. He called out, “Who wants a medicine that gives life?” A crowd assembled; when Rabbi Yannai (3rd century) insisted that the peddler show him his goods, the peddler opened the book of Psalms and pointed to the verse Who is the person who desires life and loves days that he may see good? Guard your tongue against evil and your lips from speaking deceitfully. (Psalms 34:13-14) Rebbi Yannai said “My entire life I have been reading this verse and never understood its full meaning until this peddler came and told me who is the person who desires life…”The obvious question is, what new insight did the peddler teach? He merely showed Rabbi Yannai a verse he already knew? Rabbi Yannai noticed the peddler had announced he was selling ‘medicine’ that would give a person long life. He only revealed the secret after the crowd was aroused and curious. Rabbi Yanni learned two important lessons: (1) It is not sufficient for a person to be careful with his own speech. He must also impress upon others the importance of refraining from speaking lashon hara. (2) Until that point, one might think that the verse refers only to highly refined spiritual people and the reward from refraining from lashon hara was purely spiritual. However, now he understood (from the peddler) that avoiding lashon hara benefits a person in a physical way because it lengthens one’s days. People who are cognizant of what comes out of their mouth will avoid quarrels, conflict and other harmful things that can shorten a person’s life. The serene peace of mind will help a person to live longer.|
Speech connects people. Families, even dysfunctional families, are connected because they share blood and have decades of shared experiences, but speech is the vehicle that turns strangers into friends and creates relationships. In the New York Times article “What Are Friends For? A Longer Life,” Tara Parker Hope brings voluminous evidence to support the claim that good friendships lead to longer life. We all need friends and speech is the essential tool for finding and maintaining them. Lashon hara is the great destroyer of friendships and all other relationships.
Lashon hara not only damages the person spoken about, but it is also detrimental to the speaker and listener. It is easy to understand how the one spoken about is damaged, but what harmful effect is it having on the speaker and listener?
When Steve speaks negatively about Sophie to Elizabeth, he isn’t merely saying destructive words, he is creating a construct in which there are no possibilities. When we speak negatively, we destroy any possibility to help, encourage, love, or connect to that person. Friendships create possibilities, lashon hara (negative speech) destroys them.
Jews are supposed to create and nurture life and be models (A light to the nations) for the world. The peddler’s message to Rabbi Yanni was that one who is committed to life, will not only refrain from speaking lashon hara, he will instruct others to do so and even inform them that there are physical health benefits (i.e., a longer life) in doing so.
People who reach old age ask, “What have I done with my life?” For some, the answer is that they have helped to create and educate good children. For others, it is the meaningful friendships and kind deeds they have accrued over a lifetime. All of these share a common thread—they have created possibilities for others. Perhaps one of the reasons the Torah has such severe punishments for habitual speakers of lashon hara is because they are doing the opposite of what they were created for.Destroying possibilities is one of the great crimes of humanity. Whether it is denying a person an education due to his race or skin color or committing genocide, although the magnitude of the evil is different, its underlying theme of destroying potential is the same.
Next time you are about to besmirch someone for no reason other than I feel like it or I’m mad¸ or some other non-justified reason overpowering your good judgment, think of how dreadful the crime of destroying possibilities is and how great reward is for creating possibilities.
Refraining from speaking lashon hara is not complicated but it does entail asking yourself a simple question; Is this conversation creating possibilities? If the answer is yes, proceed; if not¸ control the need. Good Shabbos