Hold On to Your Staff: Hold On to Your Dreams
Life happens; we get busy, tired, distracted—and many times discouraged. Dreams that we once felt were in our reach slowly fade until, sometimes, we forget we ever had it at all. But in Jewish consciousness there’s a surprising lesson this week about holding on to our dreams—even if they don’t turn out the way we imagined.
In Parshat Korach, we read about a major rebellion in the desert. Korach and a group of leaders challenged Moshe and Aaron. They didn’t think Aaron should be the Kohen Gadol—the high priest. They said, “The whole nation is holy! Why do you get to be in charge?” G-d told Moshe a way to definitively end the argument. Moshe would take a staff—a wooden rod—from the leader (Nasi) of each the 12 tribes. Each one would write his name on the staff, and Aaron’s name would be written on the staff for the tribe of Levi.
The 12 staffs were placed overnight in the Mishkan (portable sanctuary) and the next day, something miraculous happened: Aaron’s staff had blossomed not only flowers and buds, it even had almonds! This was a clear sign from the Almighty that Aaron was the one He had chosen to serve as Kohen Gadol. From that point onward, no one challenged Aaron’s leadership; all debates and arguments had ceased.
Now, comes an extremely important part of the story, even though it’s easy to miss. Immediately after the miraculous incident of Aaron’s flowering staff, the Torah goes out of its way to say that each leader took his staff back. (Num.17:24). Their staffs were common wooden sticks, why would they take them back and why is that an important part of the narrative? Think of it, these eleven staffs didn’t blossom, they remained the same plain old dry wood they were the day before. In a sense, those staffs were proof that these leaders were not chosen. They weren’t selected to be Kohen Gadol. Taking back those sticks would be like holding onto a losing raffle ticket. Wouldn’t it be easier to simple move on and leave the staffs behind?
Rav Zalman Sorotzkin (1881-1966) explains that these staffs did not symbolize failure. They symbolized aspiration—in this case it was a holy desire, a dream to be chosen for leadership in to highest spiritual a Jew can attain. It was an aspiration for greatness.
Granted, only Aaron was chosen to be the Kohen Gadol, but the other leaders wanted to serve G-d and the Jewish people in the holiest way possible. It was still something beautiful and meaningful. It wasn’t a failure—it was a sign that their hearts were in the right place and that they had dreams and aspirations. And that’s why they took their staffs back. Each staff would be taken home as a reminder that “I once aspired for greatness, and this is the reminder. Although I may not have been chosen—but I wanted to be and I’m not ashamed that I wasn’t chosen, I’m proud that I put in my bid.
Rav Sorotzkin’s message isn’t just for ancient leaders in the desert, it’s for us all. At some point in life, we all carry a “staff.” It might be a desire or dream to be more involved in Jewish life, to travel to Israel, to be in control of my anger or improve my character in some other way. Some of us talk about how we would like to be a more present for a parent, spouse, or friend and other see a need and dream of creating a project that will be meaningful for others.
And then… life happens. We get busy. We get tired—and sometimes we get hurt. The dream fades. Sometimes we are embarrassed to even admit that we once had a dream and we convince ourselves, “I was never going to do that anyway; I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Here’s the message: don’t throw away your staff. Even though the dream didn’t blossom the way you hoped, hold on to it. The fact that you once longed for something holy or beautiful or meaningful is precious. That’s part of your story; that’s who you are. Your “staff” isn’t a symbol of failure; it’s your soul’s way of reminding you what it—you—really want. Maybe it’s losing weight or learning a new language—Hebrew—so that you can connect more with your people and their culture. Maybe it journaling and beginning your day with three things for which you are grateful—and keep in mind that your dream isn’t over yet. Maybe the time just wasn’t right.
I once met a man in his 60s who said, “When I was younger, I wanted to learn in a yeshiva in Israel but I never went. Work, marriage, kids—it just didn’t happen.” But then he added, now that I’m semi-retired, I’m going to find a yeshiva in American that will take me for two weeks. It won’t be the same as going to Jerusalem as a youth, but I’ve always kept the dream and now I’m going to do something about it. That man knew what it means to hold on to your staff.
The leaders in this Parsha remind us that not every unfulfilled dream is a failure. Sometimes, it’s just a seed that hasn’t blossomed—yet. Ask yourself, what dreams have I let go of? What did I once hope to become? What’s the “staff” I used to carry proudly?
Let’s remember our dreams and celebrate the fact that we ever had them at all always remember that the staff you carry—even if it didn’t blossom—still says something beautiful about who you are and who you want to become.
Good Shabbos